Rediscovering the Personal

It is a difficult thing keeping on top of your own self when there is no routine. While in some instances you may be turning yourself off to true raw feeling, a routine at least is simple in the sense that you know what you have to do and so long as you keep it up, too much thought is simply not required. You don’t have to deal with the agony and ecstasy of raw existence and human emotion; you just have to keep doing. Defining yourself by any one role is dangerous and can be seen as one of the things that stands in the way of our being human in that we simply forget that we are, and forget to think about what this may mean. A human could do anything, and as such is infinite possibility. It is foolish to make yourself anything else and to deny yourself this possibility.

               

So what am I talking about here and how is this relating to the distribution of The Happiness Manifesto? Well, in the past week since London I have personally been struggling with feeling like I should be getting back out onto the streets and giving more books away, but in truth I haven’t particularly felt like it. This was hard for the first few days because I couldn’t help but wonder why, and couldn’t help but question myself and my passion. I found myself saying no to a few evening opportunities with friends on the basis that I felt like I needed to be heading out into town the next day, but then on waking would find that I didn’t feel like it and so would simply end up missing out doubly.

                

This isn’t a job and so equally as it would be foolish to allow myself to be defined by selling conservatories or something of that ilk, it would be foolish to principally define myself by being a philosopher. I am that already but part of that is remembering that that is but one part of being a human, as is anything else that you could be or indeed are, and further that there is no one way to do it. Sometimes it is easy to get so wrapped up in the project so as to forget what it is that I have actually written; messages such as not allowing yourself to be too militant in anything other than your continued happiness and openness to others and that of doing what you want and letting things fall into place.

   

The signs were great and I needed to get it out of me. I had achieved something and having spent so long trying to achieve something, it was only natural that I wanted to get it out there. I was inspired to do it and I wanted to do it, but to continue for the sake of it would be to allow that to become as much a job as anything else. I made a scene but I’m done with that for the moment; lest I forget that I don’t want to be an attention seeker, I want to be a difference maker. Also lest I forget that what I’ve written is actually a reasonable piece of work. It can sometimes be hard giving something away for free as you get the impression people may be inclined to assume it’s probably not very good. However, after further thought I remembered that not only is it a reasonable piece of work, but I give it away because I want to, not because I have to.

Now that there are over 200 books in circulation it is easier to take a small step back and remember that not only is it about getting the books out there, but it is about getting them to the right people. After the impersonal but necessary approach taken in London I am now keen to get back to making those genuinely personal connections with individuals and getting the remaining books to people who would not only want a book, but may in some way almost need it. I feel this will be best achieved through getting on with being Samuel Francis Rogers, seeing who I meet and through reclaiming my care-free self. How funny that it was getting a bit messy at a feel-good reggae gig at a Caribbean restaurant that would remind me of all this. At the same time it is probably not surprising at all, I needed to let go and enjoy myself.

                

I had a great time with friends that night but I did also take one book out with me that I ended up giving to someone who may in fact on some level need it. Beautiful but crushed, intelligent but bored, trapped; I met a guy who struggles extensively with OCD (obsessive, compulsive disorder). OCD, ADHD, asperges syndrome; all these things in my mind are simply labels given to people of active mind who have struggled to cope with the boredom on offer at present from that which we call society. A friend recently put this better than I could:

‘People that are deemed unfit to function in society are only proof that the rest of us are only pretending we can.’ Stephen O’Neill

It is important to remember that there is no one way of doing this and to steer clear of formulas or systems or else risk moving away from that which I am trying to achieve. That night I only gave away one book but it went where it was needed. I’m not saying I won’t sign again and I’m not saying that that method hasn’t seen me getting books to the right people as I’m sure it has, and it definitely was important to get a good volume out there. However, it is also important to maintain my own happiness, make sure I am always doing these things for the right reasons; doing them because I genuinely want to, and getting the books to people who need them. It is only through putting yourself out there that you meet people, so having found myself saying ‘no’ to opportunities, it is time to say ‘yes’ once more.

I hope to meet you soon.

Cross Examined in Cardiff

Cardiff’s a very special place to me as it is partially responsible for four of the best years of my life; or at least it provided the backdrop to that time and place we call University. That all I learnt was that I probably didn’t need a degree is little to no matter; an expensive lesson but one that can only really be learnt by indeed doing it and one that pales into insignificance when you consider the friends you make, the experiences you share and that last period of almost freedom that you have before the reality of the adult world. As such returning to Cardiff to do some book distribution was always going to be one of my first moves after getting them published, and the idea that I could give a little something back to a place that had given me so much was a pleasant one which had me smiling all the way to Queen Street. Indeed from the moment I got off the train and stepped out I felt both care-free and yet in control, which is how I’ve become accustomed to feeling in Wales’ fine capital and my adopted second home. I knew that I was in for a good two days and was very much looking forward to getting out among the people of the bustling high street and having some interesting conversations.

Both afternoons on Queen Street panned out much as my time in Bristol had which is unsurprising as I was essentially doing the same thing in a different location. This meant a fair amount of confused expressions, quite a bit of intrigue and many a pleasant and positive resultant conversation within which at some point I hand over a copy of ‘The Happiness Manifesto’ before parting ways, usually mutually satisfied by the encounter. In this sense, at times what I’m doing is really easy. The people who are willing to strike up a conversation with a stranger and ask them what they’re up to are usually positive people who are quick to be on board with what you are doing anyway, provided you are going about it in the right manner. As such there are inevitably multiple encounters that I have in a day which play out quite similarly, and at times quite casually, as if merely with friends I had not yet met. This is a most pleasant series of experiences but makes it all the more important to stay sharp for those encounters which require a little more work.

On my second afternoon in Cardiff, having spent a few hours out on the street, I was approached by a man who similarly to many other people that day wanted to know what I was up to. What was clear very quickly however, was that this man was not particularly predisposed to like me and that he would be prepared to let me speak but did not want to hear whimsical positive thinking and would be quite quick to cut me short if he felt I wasn’t answering his questions properly. Why is it exactly that I’m doing what I’m doing? Why’s that any better than what anyone else is doing and what exactly am I proposing? I almost lost him early on when I admitted that I wasn’t so much concerned with answers but encouraging people to ask the questions necessary to begin to generate answers. This clearly wasn’t good enough, so when pushed further I said that the answers I implied revolved around the overcoming of both money and government. He agreed that the gap between rich and poor had become too great but didn’t see how what I was suggesting could provide any sort of solution and further highlighted the futile nature of what I was actually doing, suggesting that as a clearly intelligent, articulate young man he was surprised I couldn’t find, what in his mind, would be a more positive and constructive outlet for my personal feelings of wanting to do some sort of social good.

This whole discussion went on for the best part of forty minutes and meandered all over the place going from politics to religion to at times me answering quite personal questions about my own background in relation to both of those subjects and a fair few more but in the end, having not wanted to take a copy of my book when first offered, this gentleman not only took my book but complimented me highly and wished me luck. This was a real turn around but had taken full concentration for the best part of an hour to achieve, and left me feeling totally exhausted. I was done for the day but elated from the intensity of the discussion and the extent to which it had taken quite a lot of mental agility to get through it. When people are being openly friendly to myself, who has chosen to be a stranger standing out, it is a beautiful thing but it is easy to forget the position I choose to put myself in. If someone asks you what are you doing and you say that you are promoting the pursuit of happiness it is, if you think about it, fair enough to then ask what I mean by that, how exactly and why. That I managed to successfully navigate through the lines of questioning that resulted from every answer I gave served to sharpen my dialectic powers of argument but also served to remind me exactly what it is I’m doing and why I’m doing it through forcing me to consider both carefully.

Last night I ordered 125 more books.

Tomorrow I’ll be going to London to show my support for anyone who’s striking over pensions or indeed amassing for a public show of frustration.

In the days after that I’ll be distributing books across landmarks in the capital.

Taking Philosophy To The Streets

For me philosophy is, or at least should be, a practical discipline openly evoking thought, encouraging debate and engaging discussion. As such my current activities were always the end goal but my performing them has only been allowed through my transition from a man who has been writing a book, to a man who has written a book. It is difficult to convey the sheer magnitude of this transformation on a personal level. The sense of achievement you feel when you finish a University essay, successfully construct a cabinet from Ikea using only their shoddy pictures as guidance or just do an old fashioned hard day’s work is usually enough to warrant a beer or two. The completion of ‘The Happiness Manifesto’ was almost overwhelming. For the first time I was able to hold in my hands the physical embodiment of what had previously only existed in my head as an idea and in it I could see the justification for everything I had been working towards over the past year and a half. Further and most simply however; its completion is the axis which has allowed me to move from being the man writing philosophy, to being the philosopher.

It was an odd feeling heading into Bristol to stand outside Natwest for the first time holding a sign saying ‘another way?’ While I knew that it was me asking the question I also knew that it was me who’d be subject to further questions and who would be called upon to defend himself. What was pleasing was that while I  knew that I didn’t have the answers to society’s problems, I knew I had my answer and that that would involve encouraging more people to consider in turn what there’s would be. I also knew I now had this tool to aid me; I wasn’t just another man in the street whose ideas are no better than your own. Indeed they are no better but for the moment they are by nature more considered as they have been considered to the point of taking a physical form which may yet not stand up to dissection, but at least requires such action. That I may support it if I choose but that the book supports itself and requires no further justification was something that buoyed me. So was the knowledge that if someone wanted a book, all they need do is ask.

People ask me what I’m up to and seldom consider that I may very well ask them the same question. This is no matter however as it is clear that I am being asked because what I’m doing is so obviously not what everyone else is doing. This alone lets me know I’m probably doing something right as society is the sum of its parts and the collective world we have at present is indeed something I want to contribute towards as little as possible. Having said this it would be false to suggest I do not want to contribute towards society and each time another person, intrigued by what I’m doing, asks me what I’m doing I gain hope that one day I may see one.

So what kinds of people have I been meeting? To say there are kinds of people is all kinds of wrong and it is partially through this labeling of people that we have allowed ourselves to be divided. However, if I had to generalize, I would say I have been speaking with good people. People who are open to others and people who themselves are beginning to ask the questions necessary to begin to generate answers. If we are looking for labels however we see that these are people from a wide cross section of society and people representative of a wide range of demographics. Old people, young people, Christians, Muslims, lecturers, students, retailers, the homeless, artists, single mothers, ex servicemen and a newly released ex prisoner all with one thing in common: that they DO feel let down by government.

This confirms many suspicions I had already and leaves me asking further questions. If a government can’t provide good living standards for its citizens then what is it there for? Even if government are trying to help us they are clearly doing such a bad job that we shouldn’t let them continue so as we may help ourselves. But in truth every news story I see every day makes me think that they are not and if this is the case then all the more so we should remove them. This week alone I see more economic turmoil and youth unemployment and yet the policies I see coming from government to tackle these problems are thus; using public money to fund an independent panel to assess sick leave so as to save a few quid for business and giving unemployed people involuntary, unpaid work experience at Tesco’s.

Politicians know nothing of the way we live and the needs we have and they don’t speak to the people so as to try and find out. They know nothing of us and as such of course they can’t help. They are masters of nothing but spin and the art of seeming but unfortunately their mastery of this ill discipline upholds the general level of ignorance that we are up against. So far my experiences on the street have been nothing short of phenomenal; I have been told multiple times that I have made someone’s day, I have had someone I had previously given a book to stuff a fiver in my hand and tell me that he loves what I’m doing and to grab a coffee and keep going and someone personally e-mail me to tell me I had profoundly touched their life. The one real piece of negativity that came my way was from a group of males in their late 20’s/early 30’s wh,o in response to my sign saying ‘Dare to Imagine’, actually provided me a positive in reminding me of this level of general level of ignorance we’re up against:

‘Dare to imagine what mate?’

‘Dare to imagine I could look like you? No fucking thanks.’

‘Dare to imagine I could actually get a job and pay my taxes.’

In response to the first question, the point of the sign has been missed entirely i.e use your imagination.

In response to the second point I’m proud to not look like the kind of man who hurls abuse at strangers and never suggested or asked that anyone would try and look like myself.

And finally in response to the third and somewhat more political point but one which will round off this first blog quite nicely indeed:

In the absence of suitable paid occupations which would well utilise my skills I have created my own unpaid work. I’m sorry if you don’t see value in what I’m doing because it doesn’t make money but the idea that an involuntary action which specifically helps no-one is somehow the moral gold standard to which we must aspire to and that nothing has value outside of that is, if nothing else, just depressing.

I would like to do more good in the world but at present am not sure entirely how. However, for the moment I will have no shame in not contributing to that which would kill and steal on my behalf and will take what small actions I can on my own behalf for the benefit of all; evoking thought, encouraging debate, engaging discussion, asking people to consider what small part they would like to play in creating the world they want to see and giving free books to those who show an interest.

Over the past 10 days I have between 4 separate outings distributed around 100 books on the streets of Bristol.

Next week I will be spending some time in Cardiff.

See you on the streets.